PRINCIPLE #3: PRACTICE HEALTHY COMMUNICATION

Let's Talk Marriage

Core Principles to live by for a Happy Successful Marriage

Based on a Personal Compilation

Terry-Ann Scott

Communication is one of the biggest problem most couples face and is probably the leading factor to emotional detachment when not done correctly. Effective communication is needed for bonding emotionally and when done incorrectly it may have adverse reactions just the same.

Communication is a three (3) way process - you listen - interpret (with correct understanding) - and then you speak or respond. Sounds simple? Well, when two people meet from two different backgrounds, with different past and up bringing and different beliefs, communication can be one of the most tedious, frustrating and challenging situation anyone can ever find them self into and we have also our unique personalty to thank which helps to affect how we communicate.

Different persons speak differently and we have to learn how to recognize and appreciate these differences. If you can learn how to identify your spouse's communication pattern and language - from what makes them tick to what makes them happy or when to speak or express a concern from when to keep quiet, including interpreting body language (which is a part of the communication art), your life would be a whole lot easier.

I can tell anyone, the key to effective communication is getting the correct understanding of what is said or is taking place. An understanding of why what was said or done can shed light to a whole new picture, eliminating tension and arguments. For example, if you can understand that the reason your spouse becomes quiet or quiet the opposite, which would be boisterous or outraged whenever you complain about something you don't like, it would help, if you identified his response as a defense mechanism, and further link this defensive reaction to a pass experience that was traumatic or damaging, with the effects of causing him/her to feel less than a man or a woman when unsatisfactory complaints are made; i'm sure you would handle the matter differently than if you thought your spouse just does not want to listen and does not care about your feelings etc.

Communication is not effective until all three (3) stages are processed correctly.

TIPS FOR HEALTHY COMMUNICATION

1. CALM DOWN before engaging in any discussion. If for some reason your spouse refuses to delay the discussion, please remember, it takes two to make an argument. My mother always say, "one must be water as two can't be fire", and I agree. Remember you are in control of your emotions so remind yourself of that, you do not have to stay upset.

2. LISTEN: You won't know what is wrong unless you listen, so, do so without the urge of cutting in to share your side. Clear your mind and try to understand what is being said. Give it an honest shot; you may discover something.

3. ASK for clarification of the interpretation you get before jumping to conclusion, to eliminate further problems.

4. REMEMBER RESPECT: Expressions shared must be shared respectfully. You can be angry and still speak in a calm and respectful manner. If you practice the opposite over the years you can retrain yourself into doing what is right and healthy for your relationship.

5. FREEDOM: Persons must be free to express them self and the atmosphere should be welcoming for you to express freely. A sty-filing feeling is a lonely feeling. Just as you would want your spouse to listen to you, you should listen also.

Effective communication can be tricky but is an important part of every relationship as the lack of this can lead to emotional detachment and cause strain on the relationship. You can be married but still feel alone and this is something no one wants so the next time your tongue meets with your spouse, remember to 'keep it healthy'.

With a little tweaking, a couple practice and with God in the middle as your referee, your marriage will be fine. As always, do remember that with Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm. He's ready to help you even with how to communicate with each other.

Don't miss another exciting subject as we discuss principle #4 in next week's edition. See you there!

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